No matter if you’re Christian or not, during December, many people all over the globe go through a wave of Christmas spirit and send lovely messages to each other.
Somehow, to some people, there is a need to melt heart’s pains, forgive and forget past resentments. For a few days, everyone unites in ‘good spirits’ and love for humanity. There a few though who won’t be touched by the ‘infectious Christmas’ goodness’. They will continue going about life nurturing problems, disappointments, and misunderstandings and refusing to listen to those who are the subject of these.
Christmas’ day is over, but not yet the messages’ exchange as the start of the new year will trigger another message spree. And every year I join the craze and make my own cards using my own photos.
I could do that any time of the year though. Anyone could. To ponder about the way we conduct life and how we related to others, loved ones or strangers, could be a daily practise. Forgiving and sending a little love around is always a good thought. Why then wait a whole year?
There is another habit that makes me uncomfortable, and that is gift giving. This year I decided to stop it all together. Then I started feeling uncomfortable about my decision, one week before Christmas. Finally, I surrendered to my unconscious need to give gifts to my family and ended up rushing to shop on the busiest days of the year. How clever!
Cards and gifts sent and done? Checked! Now what?
What has really changed after that besides acquiring an extra kilo or so after many dinners? What is really bothering me?
It is not the cards, and perhaps not even the gifts. We were together as a family and enjoyed each other’s company. Not many words are needed to express that despite all clichés inherent to the holiday season, it feels good to know that we love each other and also to be together.
Now let me get back to those who seem to be immune to the ‘heartwarming holiday spirit’ and who keep committed to hating, despising, being indifferent and unforgiving to others.
I know three young adults, who are in this situation. Two boys are sons of a friend, and a girl is a daughter of a relative of mine.
Just as in any conflict situation, there are always two sides, emotionally charged with misperceptions, misjudgments and an incredible pride closing ears, eyes and hearts that impede listening, understanding, and forgiveness. There is also a possibility to accept that you may not always be right as you thought, just because perception is not reality and you can only find this out when you listen to each other’s intentions.
I am sad for them and for their parents, and that makes me suffer too.
When only one side is willing to have a dialogue and often meets refusal, that usually ends up as a two-way process, where both sides resent and are angry at each other. Anger will be compounded by fear and pride, resulting in an emotional overwhelm which will affect the ability to think and act rationally.
Unfortunately, I can only say that everyone is losing this battle. Parents and youngsters. There will be a time when the door to each other’s hearts will close. The distance will be abysmal, and the willingness to accept and forgive will vanish.
I hope that these kids don’t change their minds when it is perhaps too late. There isn’t worse feeling than the impossibility to repair or redo an action when someone is not among us any longer. I wish for them to not wait until this door is not open anymore.